"Poker Face" should not have been a hit

Ordinary pop songs have a way of entering a positive feedback loop as soon as they hit the airwaves.

Think about it for a minute. How many times have you listened to an album where the single was the worst track on the disc? Or maybe it was alright, but certainly nothing special.

Either way, there were better songs on the album. But for some reason, they were never released as singles. They never made it onto the radio. And because of that, the only people who ever heard them were the ones who actually sat down and listened to the entire CD.

A lot of songs aren't so much catchy as they are catching. Give them a little airplay and they'll be stuck in a million heads. Keep on playing them and they'll become instant hits. That's how shit like this goes double-platinum. The song wasn't anything special. It just happened to get exposure. Congratulations, guys. You really rose to the occasion.

Lady Gaga has been doing this a lot lately. You've heard that song, "Poker Face," right? Of course you have. It's everywhere.

It's also nothing special.

I mean, don't get me wrong - most pop music is at least a little catchy. Maybe it makes you snap your fingers from time to time. Maybe you even sing along.

But "Poker Face" is just another pop song. Listen to it. I mean REALLY listen to it. What have we got? Some looping synthesizer stabs with your basic kick-and-clap dance beat. And processed vocals. That's the verse. It's kind of catchy.

But then the chorus arrives and throws all of that in the trash can. In the space of a few seconds, the song switches gears from "dark n' nasty" to "let's have some kittens!"

I mean it.

Where did those uplifting strings come from? What the hell is that male backing vocalist singing? Did we really need to go there?

Lady Gaga thinks she's different, but it's all posturing. This is the same music we hear every year. If you played this song for me and said it was Christina Aguilera, I would believe you.

And furthermore, it's all about the video anyway. People like the song because when they hear it on the radio, they're imagining Lady Gaga in a latex catsuit, writhing and thrusting her pelvis on a lawn chair.

Because, damnit, she's going to make you hot.