No, never mind. I don't really care. I'm just going to assume it's Keisha. Problem solved.
Anyway, Ke$ha (reaching up to hit that damned dollar sign is really getting old) is apparently pop music's next big thing. And that, of course, is a big deal to Joe and Cindy highschooler. "Tik Tok" is all over the airwaves as I write this, so now is as good a time as any to attack this beast head-on.
And first things first: Tik Tok is fucking stupid.
That's not really an insult, either. The song is about getting stupid, after all. It's a dumb, fun bit of pop about having some dumb fun. So, with that out of the way, let's do this:
[0:00 - 0:16]
You can learn a lot about a song from its intro. Tik Tok is no exception. Here, in fifteen seconds, we learn that a) Ke$sha sings like a trailer park homebody in ratty cut-offs and a tube top rapping along to a 50 Cent song on the radio, b) making references to P-Diddy is still really swell, and c) auto-tune has not fucking died.
Musically, we've got a couple of synths playing square waves with some modulation. That's it. This is electro-pop, after all. But that's fine - it works in this case.
[0:17 - 0:32]
Once we're clear of the minimalist intro, the rest of the instrumentation comes in. The synths change timbre (now we've got some triangle waves), but the melody line is the same. The beat is held down by the usual heavy-kick, clap, and pop-snare. Syncopated, of course - because people need to be able to dance to it.
Unfortunately, it's at this point that lyrically, the song started to lose me. Because what was obviously a party song suddenly turned into a girls on the town song. Check these lyrics:
I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
I'm sorry, but I don't give a shit about any of that. Thankfully, things turned around pretty quickly, and we get right back to partying:
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy
Tik Tok employs some cheap, down-n-dirty effects on the vocals. The last word of this verse, for example, has the classic "hand on the record" sound. You know what I mean: the sound drops on pitch until it dies out. But sometimes the effects actually work. The key is to not overuse them. See, that's the way special effects are supposed to work. When you overuse them, they aren't special anymore. Unfortunately for Tik Tok, the special does not stay special for long.
[0:33 - 1:04]
The chorus in this song arrives rather quickly - in just about 30 seconds, in fact. Pop music needs to switch gears frequently because it's not meaty. It's designed to catch your ears, wrap you up for a moment or two, and then move on.
If you listen closely, you'll notice that the melody here never really changes. Little embellishments come and go, but the basic notes are completely set in stone. It's a cheap trick, but unless you're listening to the damn thing on repeat (like I am, writing this), you probably aren't going to notice.
The chorus runs for two passes, with denser rhythm the second time around. Again, it's simple, but it works.
[1:05 - 1:21]
The next verse is the same as the intro, only with a steady kick drum and an oddly-placed tom sound that comes and goes. Other than that, there's nothing more to see.
[1:22 - 1:36]
The second half of the verse is where things start to fall apart. Like I said, this is a stupid song. But shit like this is just too much:
I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us
At the end, the hand-on-the-record effect comes back. Once was clever. Twice implies a lazy producer. Either that or an unoriginal one with little respect for the audience. Neither is a compliment.
Also, these lyrics are starting to suffer from second-verse-syndrome. You know what I mean. The first verse of a song is always the best. Everything fits, the mood is set, and you're good to go. But if you aren't careful, by the time you get to the next verse there's nowhere left to go. I can't think of any other reason why Ke$ha would repeat the "police shut us down" line three times. Even twice would be pushing it.
[1:37 - 2:08]
Other than some harmony vocals, this is exactly the same as the first chorus.
[2:09 - 2:41]
I don't know what it is about pop bridges lately, but they're fucking terrible. Here, the instrumentation drops away, leaving some oh-so-melancholy synthesizer chords - and don't forget my favorite part - fucking auto-tuned warbling! Seriously. This shit needs to go. Now. We've been dragging the same effects around for the past ten years. It's time to move on.
Oh, and that speed-up effect at the end of the bridge? That hasn't sounded fresh since the 80s.
[2:42 - 2:44]
The easy grab would be to break the bridge and dive right back into the final chorus, but I've got to give the producers some credit here, because they did something different. Here, for a few seconds, we're treated to nothing-but-vocals. It's a nice change of pace, because you know the third chorus is going to be exactly the same as the other two.
[2:45 - 3:22]
If you've been listening along with headphones, you might have noticed that the chorus mix gets progressively denser each time it hits. Nothing crazy, mind you - just a few stabs here and there, or a different background vocal. But if you're listening casually on cheap speakers? You'd never even know the difference.
Bottom line: Tik Tok is cheap, easily-digested pop music. Nothing more. It's not particularly clever, original, or groundbreaking. It is, however, catchy enough to make the record companies millions of dollars, and infect the radio waves for a few months.
Oh, and Ke$ha, girls don't have "junk" unless they're named Lady Gaga.
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